To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
