Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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