Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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