youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
