i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
