just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
