We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
