I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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