ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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