I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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