friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
