cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
