i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Define "chronic" masturbator.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
