Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't deserve a penis
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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