Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
