Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
