all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Still dying that you shit outside
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
