Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
