so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you would pick up someone in the library
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
