i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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