maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
