i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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