Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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