just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
