My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
