You just made me feel so damn special
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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