i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
