Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
