Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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