yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
