Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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