I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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