she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
