I wanna passion pit in your ass
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
