I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
