Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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