I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
