girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
