i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
