I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
