What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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