if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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