what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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