every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
