I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
