Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
