I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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