girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
