Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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