areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
