i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
