white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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