I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Say something about gay babies.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
