I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
