His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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