carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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