Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
