Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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