i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
